Spam-barzellette (dallo spam di Abeona)
Mi dispiace rovinare il mio ascetico silenzio con questo, ma proprio non posso trattenermi. Scusate.
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife’s activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.
“I just can’t believe this,” the distraught husband said.
The detective said, “What’s not to believe? It’s right up there on the screen!”
The husband replied, “I can’t believe that my wife could be so much fun!”
New Years Resolutions
2003: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2004: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2005: I will read 5 books a year.
2006: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2007: I will try and finish the comics section this year.
2003: I will get my weight down below 170.
2004: I will watch my calories until my weight is below 200.
2005: I will follow my new diet until I get below 220.
2006: I will work out once a week.
2007: I will drive past a gym at least once a week.
2003: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2004: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2005: I will be totally out of debt by next year.
2006: I will try to pay off the debt interest by next year.
2007: I will try to be out of the country by next year.
After a hard days work this computer programmer stopped at a lock bar for a drink. As he was sitting at the bar he was looking at his hand and dialing like it was a phone. The bartender was very curious so he asked the man what he was doing?
The programmer said I have invented a built in phone in my hand and tomorrowo I am going to patten it.
The bartender said sir….this area is kind of rough you could get mugged for showing this new product around be careful!!!!!
At this point the programmer asked where the bathroom was, the bartender said go down the hall turn right.
Well….time passed……the bartender was getting concered as the programmer did not come back. So he went to investigate.
When the bartender entered the bathroom, there was the programmer standing against the wall with his pant down, and a roll of toliet paper stuffed up his ass!!!!!!
The bartender yelled in dismay!!!!! Oh my heavens you haven been mugged I told you to be careful!!!!!
The programmer replied: Don’t worry I was not mugged……………….I’m waiting for the fax to come out!!!!!
Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, “Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn’t bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. “By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I’m gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand”
“So,” says the second drunk, “what’s your point?” “Well,” says the first, “I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get!”
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any? This is a true story . . .
There was a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, “So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?”
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too because they were laughing so hard!
SENIOR EXERCISE A friend just shared this AARP suggested exercise for seniors to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It’s so easy, I thought I’d pass it on.
The article suggested doing it three times a week.
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-pound potato sacks. Then use 50-pound potato sacks, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.